I haven't eaten for almost two day's, only picking at my food when I've been in front of my parents, trying to please them. My hunger get's to me every once in a while, but now that it's been a few weeks it hasn't been too bad. My stomach has been getting flatter too, and I am fitting into smaller sizes. I should be feeling better about myself, but I don't. Even though I have been losing weight, it almost seems like it's never enough. Like my brain is telling me, no, you can't eat anymore, you'll make yourself fat, while my body begs me for food. But don't worry, I am still in control of myself.
Looking in the mirror is like looking into a circus mirror. You see exactly what you don't want to see. It's terrible.
I found this drink on the internet that supposedly holds your hunger and helps you lose weight in just about one or two weeks. I definitely could use that. It's a homemade recipe. It has 2 Tablespoons of lemon juice, a pinch of Cayenne pepper, 300 millimeters of water, and a Tablespoon of Maple Syrup or one cinnamon stick. I'll choose the cinnamon stick because that is less calories. Once I have that all mixed together it's not so bad. I think that I can do this whole lemonade diet easy.
***
It's not as easy as I thought. I've been having to ask to go pee every class period, and I am in fourth right now and I have already asked to go an hour ago. Granted, I have been drinking a ton of this, but I guess that I just didn't consider how liquid things cause you to visit the bathroom more frequently. But this has really been paying off. I have hardly felt hungry at all. I love this drink.
There are only ten more minutes left of school. I can hold it in.
"....So when the semen and the bud are...." Oh jeez, I do NOT need to listen about flower reproduction right now. Biology. Worst class ever. Actually, scratch that, second worst class ever. At least Mr. Reed is freakishly easy and hands out extra credit like there's no tomorrow, and trust me, I need his enthusiasm with that considering some of my grades right now.
Mr. Reed is an older fellow. And I mean older. Like about late sixties, early seventies. He is short and fat with gray hair on the sides, and a big bald spot on top. He always wears a suit and tie, along with a lab coat. Honestly, I've never seen the man without it.
"-I am giving you the assignment to grow some flowers in your back yards, or in a pot in your houses, where ever. I am passing out some seeds right now. I will be giving you each two different packets of flowers so that when they grow you can test making a new seed. Here are the directions...." I zone back out again. Well this is great. Now I gotta actually work for a good grade in this class. Oh good, only twenty more seconds until the bell will ring. Twenty, nineteen, eighteen....
"-and then you will do that. You see?"
No I don't. Ten, nine, eight, seven....
"....don't forget to grab the pap-"
The bell rings. Oh yes! My bladder is starting to hurt from the pressure. I grab the paper and two packs of seeds and rush out. I am just rounding the corner down the hall when I run into something big and lean at the same time. I look up. It's Elijah smiling down at me.
"Hey." I say.
"Hey. You in a rush?" He sounds bemused.
"Oh, no. Just-" Just about to pee my pants.
"Are you okay? You look like you're in pain or something."
"Oh really? I guess you could say that. Just hold on one sec." I hurry past him and into the bathroom. I sit down on the toilet, and suddenly everything feels better. I pull my pants up and walk out of the stall to wash my hands. In the mirror I see myself and wish I could see anyone else. I quickly turn away, dry my hands and walk back out, a laughing expression on Elijah's face.
"Oh shut up." I say before he can say anything. He finally lets his laugh go and I look at him sharply.
"Sorry, sorry." He holds up his hands. "But if you had seen yourself you would be laughing right now too. You looked like you were going to pass out."
I lighten up a little. "Yeah, well I had to go really bad."
"I could tell." He nudges me with his elbow.
I look down, heat creeping up my face. I don't know why I'm feeling embarrassed about this with him because he's one of my best friends. It's not even that big of a deal.
"So I got your little message." Eli say's. I look up at him and he's staring straight ahead.
"Oh yeah?" Yet again I can feel heat rising.
"Yeah. I just wanted to tell you-" He stops, waiting for the crowd in the hallway to clear out until it's just the two of us. He looks down at me. "I wanted to tell you that you are the coolest, most awesomest girl ever, and I would love to go with you." He smiles a big wide smile, his teeth looking so white contrasted to his dark skin.
I hope he can't see the blush on my face. "Well I'm glad to hear that." I clear my throat because he suddenly seems so much closer than before, one of his arms pushing against the wall by my head that I didn't realize I was leaning against. I try to hide my nervousness. "I don't know what I would have done if you would have said no, especially since you wanted me to ask you." I joke. I laugh slightly, but then it quickly dies in my throat, his nearness heightening my awareness. A small smile is playing on his lips and he is leaning toward me. Is he going to kiss me? Is he really going to kiss me? Holy crap, holy crap! What do I do? Do I lean forward as well, or do I let him meet me all the way? I'm so confused, but totally and completely happy, all at once.
All of the sudden we hear someone coming our way, whistling slightly. We jump away from each other just as the janitor comes around, pushing his cart of cleaning supplies. He passes us without a single gesture toward us, and continues on his way, walking into the men's room.
I push away from the wall. "I guess that I should be going." I say shyly.
Elijah runs a hand through his hair. "Yeah, yeah. Me too. I um-"
"I'll see you." I say, and turn to walk away, beginning my decent down the three floors of stairs.
I hear him catch up to me. "Hey, Sam, I uh..." He sounds like he's about to say something important, but then quickly shakes his head. "I need a ride home," he say's quickly. "I missed the bus."
***
The car ride has a sort of tension that I've never felt before with him. Not a bad tension, but not necessarily a good kind either. Like I need to touch him, although doing that right now wouldn't be very smart. I'm driving.
Eli has finally decided to turn on the radio. I was going to, and our hands were both reaching for it at the same time, but then it turned into this awkward no you can change the station if you want thing. Finally I just put my right hand back on the wheel refusing to touch it. How could a twelve minute drive feel so long?
"Oh-my-lanta." I say. "Please change that."
Elijah laughs. "Oh come on. A little scream-o never hurt anyone."
"Yes it has. My eardrums." I laugh.
"Oh fine. Hm. This seems nice."
"Ugh, country? You know how much I hate it."
"Ha, ha. Yeah I know. Oh, here's something good." He puts his hand down and leaves it at the station. It's Jason Mraz's, I'm Your's.
"I love this song!"
"I know." He smiles at me, a sweet genuine smile, and we both sing along to the melody. The song is about half-way done when we reach his house, and I pull up to a stop and park.
"Wait." He say's. "I gotta wait until it's all done before I get out."
"Okay." I laugh.
"So open up your mind and see like me!" He sings along. He's looking at me the whole time, his eyes never faltering. He finally ends with, "I'm yoooouuuurrrssssssssssss." He emphasizes the 's' at the end. "Great song." He leans toward me, enveloping me in a huge. It's not the most comfortable because it's across the console, and we're also sitting down. But, it also feels so nice. I smell him, and he smells of fresh laundry, my favorite smell on a guy. The hug lasts a lot longer than it should, but it's as if neither of us want to let go. Finally I pat his back to let him know that it's okay to pull away, and he finally does, but he stays very close to me, his face inches from mine.
"Well, I guess I'll see you tomorrow." I whisper. He just nods at me, but doesn't move away. I feel the breeze blow in from the rolled down windows, and it ruffles my hair, gently touching his face as well as my own. He is closer now and I think that he is going to actually kiss me. I feel his lips gently graze mine. I am just about to lean in a little too when I hear his mom calling his name.
He sighs, dropping his head. "I just can't get a break." I hear him mumble.
"Elijah! Is that you? Come on in here! I got some work for you to do!" She starts walking toward us. She's a short black woman, her kinky hair tied back in a bun, a sunflower dress grazing her knees. It's been oddly warm for November. Sometimes I forget that that is the month that we're in. She's almost to the passenger side door, and Eli is sitting away from me in the spot he should be at. "Oh Sam!" She smiles widely at me. "It's so good to see you!" She turns back to Eli. "Now you get in there. I need you. There are some boxes that I need some help to move. Sam, you should come in. The family hasn't seen you in a while."
"Oh, I'm sorry Mrs. Smith, but I need to head home!"
"Not with that flat tire you got there."
"Flat tire? What-" I jump out of my car to inspect it. Same one. Front right. "Oh man, I totally forgot to get that fixed!"
"Well looks like you don't have a choice, now, do you?" She say's. She turns on her heels and walks back to the house, leaving us behind.
"She's right you know." I suddenly hear Elijah's voice behind me, and I can detect a smile there too. "You don't have a choice."
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