Paying Attention

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO



I have lost about four pounds now over the past three weeks or so. I'm so proud of myself, but I still know that I have quite a bit left to go. There is still some pudginess that I need to get rid of, but other than that, I can see that my stomach has flattened a bit. I turn away. I can't look at myself in the mirror anymore because I can't help but think about how different I can look.

I walk downstairs, and mom, dad, and Mariah are all sitting at the table eating cereal for breakfast. Mariah offer's me some, but I just shake my head. "I'm not hungry." I say.

Mariah gives me a sad look, but thankfully neither mom or dad notice. It already seems like Mariah is catching on. But really she shouldn't be worried about me. I'm controlling this, I can handle myself. Some other girls, they just can't.

"Ready to go?" I say to Mariah. She nods, gulping down the last bit of her milk from her bowl, and then grabs her backpack and follows me out to the car.

Once we're both in, I look at her. Now there seems to be a little bit more of a glow about her. She doesn't have any of the sad creases in her eyes that she's had for the past few weeks. It makes me happy to see that she's doing better.

I only wish that my life would get simpler.

I start the car, and we head off toward school, our ever impending Wednesday doom approaching us.

***

"So once Abigail realized that she couldn't have who she wanted, she decided to then cause a world of hurt for everyone else in the village..." Mr. Rice say's.

I usually love this class, but today I just can't wait to get out of here. I just can't wait to go home and cuddle up with my pillow pet and sleep, because I know that there I don't have the problems that I have to face here.

I saw Daniel yesterday, and it was just so hard to look at him. He had given me a weak smile, but that was it. What have I done? I just feel terrible. You'd think that I would have this big weight lifted off of me, which I do, but in its place is one-ton of guilt at hurting a friend. I never do that. I'm always the one that the friends go to to try and calm down because I am just so relaxed. This is one of the worst things that I have ever felt; something that only time will make better.

Suddenly I realize that I have missed some parts of the lesson because all of the sudden Mr. Rice is handing out worksheets, what I only assume to be on The Crucible. 

***

November 3,

Dear diary,

How can I be such a terrible person? I have hurt Daniel, and I don't think that he ever wants to talk to me again. It seems that when I try to make things better, I somehow make those things worse. At least that's how it's been lately. 

I don't know what to do. 

I stopped things between us for me, but I obviously did not think about what he wanted. Jeez, why is life so fricken' confusing? Especially high school life?

Well, I guess that I should stop asking questions to an inanimate object these things, huh?

I'll write again later.

***

"How have you been?" Jeremie asks me once I sit in front of him in Math.

"Pretty good. How have you been?" I feel tired and don't really feel like talking. Hopefully he isn't noticing this.

He smiles. Oh I love that smile. "Pretty great."

"That's pretty great." I laugh. 

"Yeah."

Then class starts, and Mrs. (Miss.) Smith starts her long, ridiculous lecture.

I feel a tap on my shoulder, and Jeremie hands a note up to me. It says:

Are you doing anything this weekend?

I smile as I look down at it. I reply:

Not that I can think of, why?

He passes the note back to me.

Do you want to do something this Saturday?

All I can think about is how much I really do, but at the same time I don't want to because of all of the things that has happened with Daniel in a short period of time. Instead I say:

How about you give me your number,

and then I can text you if I can.

Does that sound good?

It isn't long before I get the next reply. It said:

Sounds great! It's 252-801-6118

I have a big smile on my face as I enter the number in my phone. I turn to him and whisper, "I'll text you quick so that you will have my number too."

"Okay." He smiles. A short minute later I hear a buzz coming from his pant leg. He quickly takes it out and then subtly looks down at his phone, a sly smile on his face.