About three weeks ago me and my boyfriend broke up. I don't really like to talk about it, but I just feel like I should say something here.
I think about him everyday. I try so hard not to, and I have to force myself to not call or text him, because I know that would not be a good idea. And, you know what? I think the biggest thing that I'm having a hard time with is that he wasn't a huge jerk to me that made me hate him. I still love him.
It's also hard because I lost my virginity to him. For those who are reading this and still are a virgin and aren't married yet, that's good, stay that way, because if it turns out that you and this guy or girl don't stay together and you gave them everything, then you have a strong attachment to them that is hard to break.
It's not like we were ever planning on breaking up. We were actually talking about marriage. What happened is that my mom (who really never liked him because he would always say he would come over for dinner, but didn't show, so that showed a lack of commitment) began talking to me about him, listing off all of these red flags about him that I can see now, but didn't really pay attention to at the time. He's in debt, he doesn't have a car, so I was usually driving him around, he doesn't have any sort of college education, etc. She also pried it out of me that I'm not a virgin anymore. When a good mom finds out that her daughters boyfriend took her virginity then she shouldn't be happy about it. And my mom wasn't happy. Well, pretty much she convinced me to break up with him. In the end I ended up listing to him her concerns, and he ended up agreeing with her, saying that he wasn't good for me.
You know, I kind of had hoped that he would fight for me, but he never made any changes.
In the end, I guess that I was the one who was fighting for us, trying to keep something that would eventually end in disaster.
I really wish that I had never had sex with him. And even though I understand that he isn't financially stable and has a lot of things to work out (quit smoking, and I'm pretty sure he's addicted to porn), I lost something so special and intimate that I can never take back, something that made me feel connected to him. I wasn't ready. I didn't know that at the time, but I really wasn't. And that's what has made this breakup the hardest - the fact I still feel attached to him. It sucks.
I want to talk about this with someone who understands, but I don't know anyone who does, so I don't talk about it.
Well to whoever read this depressing post, I hope that you have learned that sex before marriage can lead to a painful hear break sometimes.
I think about him everyday. I try so hard not to, and I have to force myself to not call or text him, because I know that would not be a good idea. And, you know what? I think the biggest thing that I'm having a hard time with is that he wasn't a huge jerk to me that made me hate him. I still love him.
It's also hard because I lost my virginity to him. For those who are reading this and still are a virgin and aren't married yet, that's good, stay that way, because if it turns out that you and this guy or girl don't stay together and you gave them everything, then you have a strong attachment to them that is hard to break.
It's not like we were ever planning on breaking up. We were actually talking about marriage. What happened is that my mom (who really never liked him because he would always say he would come over for dinner, but didn't show, so that showed a lack of commitment) began talking to me about him, listing off all of these red flags about him that I can see now, but didn't really pay attention to at the time. He's in debt, he doesn't have a car, so I was usually driving him around, he doesn't have any sort of college education, etc. She also pried it out of me that I'm not a virgin anymore. When a good mom finds out that her daughters boyfriend took her virginity then she shouldn't be happy about it. And my mom wasn't happy. Well, pretty much she convinced me to break up with him. In the end I ended up listing to him her concerns, and he ended up agreeing with her, saying that he wasn't good for me.
You know, I kind of had hoped that he would fight for me, but he never made any changes.
In the end, I guess that I was the one who was fighting for us, trying to keep something that would eventually end in disaster.
I really wish that I had never had sex with him. And even though I understand that he isn't financially stable and has a lot of things to work out (quit smoking, and I'm pretty sure he's addicted to porn), I lost something so special and intimate that I can never take back, something that made me feel connected to him. I wasn't ready. I didn't know that at the time, but I really wasn't. And that's what has made this breakup the hardest - the fact I still feel attached to him. It sucks.
I want to talk about this with someone who understands, but I don't know anyone who does, so I don't talk about it.
Well to whoever read this depressing post, I hope that you have learned that sex before marriage can lead to a painful hear break sometimes.
