Paying Attention

CHAPTER SIXTEEN

Saturday night was nearly impossible for me to fall asleep. I kept on pressing my fingers to my lips, trying to feel them the same way that Daniel did. I still can't get him out of my head. I am sitting up in my bed. It's Monday morning, and I just can't wait to see him at school today. I have got to make myself look good today.

Okay. I'm looking in my closet, but all that I see is clothes. I know right, I'd hope that they'd be there, but what I mean is that nothing is popping out at me. Ugh. I'll just have to wear my dark skinny's, with my purple shirt and fake black leather jacket. And maybe I'll wear my lace up boots to go along with it. It is the beginning of October. It's starting to get a little chilly. Now for a little makeup. Cool. I look pretty good. And I think that I'll wear a little bit of some red lipstick. Yeah, that looks good. Now I am ready to go.

***

At lunch Mariah and I walk along together down the hallway to the cafeteria. I grab her hand because it's so flippin crowded; a hungry hoard of kids fighting there way to the front of the line. Jeez. 

"So what do they have today?" I ask.

"I don't know. I can't see the menu."

"Oh jeez."

We keep on walking, bumping into people, trying to find the beginning of a line, any line, but then I give up. What's the point in waiting all of lunch in a line when you're not even going to have time to eat any of the food?

"How about we just go to the vending machines?" I say. But right now I'm thinking that I can just get a low calorie juice, because of the weight that I want to take off.

"Good idea." She replies. 

We push our way through again, body upon body relentlessly pushing us back, and I just ignore them until I walk straight into one that is muscular. And tall I can tell. I look up to say sorry, and when I do I see that it's Daniel, smiling down at me with that warm melting one that he like's to give me.

"Hey." He say's, looking down at me.

"Hi." I say shortly, quickly looking down at my feet. What the crap do I do? I don't know how to act in these situation's. Why is this wonderful guy looking down at me like that?

"So, I was wondering if you maybe wanted to hang out this Saturday again. It doesn't have to be a date, like the other night. Unless you want it to be." He gives me a mischievous smile, and I can tell that he's thinking about our kiss the other night, and hopefully, on what a fantastic kisser I am.

Mariah look's at me, confused. I can tell that she's going over the contradicting things that are happening at this very instant. But I can't help it, I smile up at him and say that I'd love to hang out with him.

"Great!" He say's excitedly. I try to hide my satisfaction of him being so excited about that, but I can't. It's just too pleasurable.

"So I thought that you never wanted to go out with 'What's His Bucket' ever again." I hear Mariah say once Daniel is out of ear shot.

"Yeah, I know. But on our date Saturday night we talked about it, and he apologized, and everything's good now."

"Everything's good. For some reason I just can't believe that."

"Well I just am quick to forgive I guess. Sue me."

"Hmm. There's just something else. You know, when you were talking to him just-" She stops suddenly and then I can almost see the person clicking on the light in her head when she get's a big smile on her face. "Did he kiss you?"

I bite my lower lip, giving away everything. I'm actually surprised that my poker face lasted this long.

"Shut up!" She screams excitedly.

All I can do is smile, which is good enough because she know's me well enough that it will always be days before I talk about something. Even something as awesome as this.

Across the lunch room I see Jeremie. I smile and wave to him, but all that he returns is a small wave and, not even, a smile. I am confused. Usually when I see him he's super happy and funny. Now he's hardly even looking at me. What did I do?

The bell signaling that lunch has ended, rings, and I smile again, and start walking away to my fourth period class, English. Best class ever! (And I'm being totally serious when I say that.)

***

"So why do you think that Abigail is a total witch in The Crucible?" Say's Mr. Rice.

"Because she is." Say's Seth Myer's. Super cute, sort-of funny, and big ego.

"That is completely true. But give me an explanation at to why."

I raise my hand shyly. "Because she didn't want to get into trouble, and neither did her friends. That's why they were blaming everyone."

"Yes. Thank you Sam. That is it. And why do you think that the girl would have been punished for a thing like that? I mean, they were just dancing around, naked in the woods. Why does that matter?"

Another kid answers, this time one of the popular girls. I don't remember her name. Oh well.

"Because," she say's in a high, surprisingly sweet voice. "That was basically against their law, and they also committed witch craft, which was an even worse thing to do back then."

"Exactly. It was pretty much as bad as committing adultery."

"That's stupid. And also, if those girls were so bored that they decided to do it, and they shouldn't have, then they should have lived with the consequences. Not kill like, tons of people." The same girl reply's.

"I agree completely." Mr. Rice continues as the bell cuts him off. "Okay now for homework, I want you to write a one paged report on what you think should have happened to those girls." He shout's as everyone walks out the door, many trying to pretend that they didn't hear him.

I walk out into the hall, trying to stuff a paper into my backpack while maneuvering around crowds of friends that decided that the most perfect place for them to stop is right in the middle of the hall. Yeah, thanks. I only have enough space through this small little hole that you've left everyone. Nice.

All of the sudden I run into someone and I drop my bag. The person quickly bends down and picks it up for me. I look up at the person and I see that it's Jeremie.

"Hey! How are you? I saw you at lunch today but I didn't have time to come over and talk."

He just shrugs in response, still not looking directly at me. Jeez, what's his deal?

"Um, are you okay?" I ask.

"Yeah. A little tired. But, that happen's."

"Yeah, that it does happen. That it does." I say, trying (unsuccessfully) to make the mood lighter.

He just looks down at me, his grayish/green eye's staring me down.

"Well, have a good day, okay? Get some sleep. We don't want that sleepiness to turn to crankiness." I smile. He try's a half attempt to return the favor, but then just walks away. Okay.

I walk away, after looking down at him for a few seconds, my backpack feeling heavier than it did just moments ago.

Pictures Of Me

That's me and my best friend on my birthday dressing like nerds. Yup.

Paying Attention

CHAPTER FIFTEEN


I wake up to a sound that mixes into my dream. A sound that is like a trains horn, but it just keeps going, it's not stopping. Somewhere in my dream I start to figure out that maybe it's my alarm. So, half asleep I reach over to my dresser and pick up my phone with its ceaseless buzzing that is ringing in my head and hand. I am confused so I press snooze, and then see the time. 10:00 a.m. Maybe just five more minutes. It wont be that long.

Twenty minutes later I am now fully awake, but I just lay here, not doing anything; just thinking. Like when Daniel asked me out. Again. And when it appeared like Jeremie was flirting with me. But hey, who really know's, you know?

I look at the time again. It is now 10:40 a.m. I should get up and ready for the day. I slowly sit up, pop my back, and just sit there for another five minutes.

"Uuhh." I get up, and then turn around to make my bed really fast. Even though I don't care if other people don't make their beds, I can't stand it if mine isn't made. I've become a slight neat freak over the years with my dad constantly commenting on it, and saying how I need to do a better job with it. I know, my dad.

"That's better." I say when I'm done. I walk to the bathroom and do my regular Saturday routines (contacts, brush teeth, wash face, get in the shower), and now I am ready for the day.

Walking back to my room in my towel and wet hair I feel really good about myself. Crazy how cleaning yourself does that.

I'm gonna be a little graphic here, but as I unwrap myself from the towel and throw it into my dirty clothes, I can't help but notice how much better my body looks when I'm naked. I'm serious. Clothes I feel just don't always hang on me right. Oh crap. I am getting a little bit (more like a lot) of a muffin top. That is soooo not good. No, no, no, no, no. Okay. I know what I'm going to do. I'm just not going to eat at all today. Not until the date. Oh crap. The date. Right. But really, for Jeremie, I have to look good. I have to look stylish. No. I have to look elegant like those beautiful women in those old 50's movies.

My stomach let's out a low growl as I contemplate this idea. I'm gonna do it for a few days, and then I'm gonna just eat healthy. I can't let this muffin top get out of control. Absolutely not. If I'm going to eat anything today it's just going to be fruits, and not many. I am going to get smaller, not bigger. I've been self conscious about my weight before, but I didn't realize that it was this bad until just barely. No more sugar for me. Or anything that is fattening.

I can't look at myself anymore, so instead I open up my closet and find something casual/flattering. I think that I'll wear a little makeup today, mix things up. Yeah, I like to keep people on their toes sometimes. It's fun.

Once I'm done I check myself out. Sort of/very adorable. I look at my makeup that I put on, and I look... well, beautiful. I don't always feel that though. Along with that I am wearing dark wash skinny jeans, and a pink plaid, button down shirt. "Hmmm. Not bad."

I pick up my phone and call Alicia. She should be able to help me, not with my makeup, but with this whole Daniel thing. Ugh.

"Hello?"

"Alicia, I need your help. Daniel Crass asked me out again, and he's picking me up tonight. What do I do?"

"Why are you freaking out? It sounds like you have everything under control."

"Yeah, well I don't. This is the second date he's asked me-"

"Oh, yeah. How did the date go?"

"Awful. He paid attention to me, but then around his friends at the party he took me to, he totally ignored me. "

"Wow. That's low."

"Yeah, I know. And he asked me out again because he felt bad, but I don't want to go with him. I've learned that he is really not my type."

"Wow. Um, I don't really know what to tell ya. I guess all I can say is that when he picks you up, don't act too desirable, and make it as awkward as you possibly can so that he wont want to ask you out again."

"Yeah, I thought of that, but what if it doesn't work?"

"And what if it does? A guy only really likes a girl if she is funny and interesting. Oh, and smart. That's at least what I've heard."

"Yeah, I guess that you're right. I just hope that I don't start flirting with him when he's not with his friends. But I guess that's not very likely to happen because his brownie points are very low."

"Ha, ha, I'll say." She laughed. "Well one day you'll find a guy that gives you the attention that you deserve. You just have to wait. And yes, I realize that that was an incredibly corny statement, but, you know what I mean."

I laugh. "Yeah, I know what you mean. Thanks Lici."

"Yup, no prob."

"Bye."

"Bye."

I hang up, and I now know that maybe I really don't need to worry about this. I just need to see where things will go. And who knows what will happen.

***

So the day has flown by without me wanting it to. Now I am dressed cute - but not as cute as before, and I am waiting for Daniel to pick me up again. This time for my outfit I am wearing a baby blue shirt with a coral colored cardigan. I have on my dark wash skinny's, and for my shoes my Egyptianish style sandals. You know, the one's that you clip around your ankles like a belt. Anyway's, this is what I am wearing. I have some makeup on, but for my eyes I only put on some mascara, not nearly as dramatic or sexy as last time. I hope that I don't look too cute. That would be my main problem. I mean, not trying to brag, but I think that I'm a pretty good looking girl. 

Oh jeez. His car just pulled up. Oh crap! What if he is super cute? What do I do then? Ugh! I swear, life can  sometimes be ten times more complicated for a girl, than it is for a guy. Actually, I think it is. 

The doorbell rings and I jump a little even though I was anticipating it. I get up, walk over to the door as coolly as I can, and open the door. Daniel is standing there looking as adorable as ever. But I must remember that this date cannot go well because I don't want to go out with him again. Right? 

"Hey." He says smiling down at me. "How does Red Robin sound?"

"Great." I say, and I feel my stomach tighten up. I haven't eaten all day, and now the thought of eating does not sound appetizing. But hey, it's a date, it shouldn't matter that much. 

We walk to his car and he quickly opens my door for me. I get in and then he run's around the other side of the car and opens his door and get's in next to me. I can tell he's nervous. I can smell his cologne from here. I don't know why he would be. Hmm. Maybe it has to do with how he ruined the last date. Yeah, maybe. 

I am just sitting there, quiet, and I can tell that it's making him uncomfortable. It's making me uncomfortable too, but I don't want to go out with him again. This is the only way.

"Sooo," he say's, finally breaking the silence, "how have you been?"

"Good, good. You?" Nice. Bland. No one really like's a bland person.

"That's good. Um, I've been okay. Doing the usual: going to school, going to work."

"That's cool." I say, even though I'm doing the same thing, except for having a job, and it's not really cool.

"Yeah. So, uh, are you ready for Red Robin?"

"Yup." I say glibly.

"Awesome." We sit there in silence for so long that he finally reaches over and turns on his radio. Oh good. That tension was beginning to be too much for me. And I'm the one making it.

At Red Robin when we finally get our table, sit down, and look at the menu, I can't help but think: am I making a mistake by doing this? I don't know. I just can't stand it anymore, so I put down my menu and look up at him, and say shyly, "Um, can I ask you something?"

He looks up at me, a little surprised that I'm talking. "Sure."

"Um, well, uh, why is it that you didn't, um, pay much attention to me on our last date?" Now the words our out, and I am willing them to come back into my mouth, but they wont. It's too late, he's heard it.

"I'm sorry." I say quickly. "I shouldn't have asked you that right now. I should've waited later." 

He stares at me for a second before saying, "I'm sorry. I didn't realize that I was doing that. I guess that I had my friends there and they must of distracted me. I'm sorry." He looks sincere with his apology, but I don't want him to do that. No. I want him to be an idiot so that I wont want to go out with him again. 

"So is this the reason why you haven't been talking very much with me tonight?" He continues, and looks me straight in the eyes. Oh crap. I can feel myself wanting to just kiss him, those nice full lips, and say that it's alright. But I know that it's not, so I don't. Also that would just be really embarrassing in the middle of Red Robin.

I shrug, and look away from him. Another thing that I want to tell him is how one of his friends smacked my butt, but I don't. I just sit there quietly and pick up my menu again. I think that I'll have the crispy chicken salad. That sounds good.

"And is that the reason that you left early too?" He says.

I look up at him, but don't answer. I hear him curse under his breath then say, "I'm sorry Sam. I really am. I swear that I wont do that again. Scouts honor." He say's smiling, lifting up one hand and doing the sign. I can't help but laugh a little because he's just so cute. "I knew I would make you laugh." He say's, laughing a little himself, and I feel comfortable with him again, even though I don't want to.

***

As he walks me up to my door, his hands are in his pockets, practically buried in there. Then, carefully, when we're just five feet from my door, in the corner of my eyes I see him pull his right hand out of his pocket and have it barely graze the small of my back. 

"I had a really good time tonight." I say turning to him, fiddling with my keys. 

He moves his hand quickly, probably thinking that I didn't notice it there, and runs it through his hair. "Yeah, me too. Thanks for going out with me again, even after I was an idiot."

"Hey, it's okay. It's all water under the bridge."

He stares down at me, and I see a nervous look in his eyes. I walk towards him a little, hoping that he's getting the hints that I'm throwing at him. What with the keys, the step forward. These signs are all in the movie Hitch. I hope that he's at least caught onto that. 

"I really had a good time tonight." He says quieter now, and he's now leaning down towards me. I'm not quite sure what to do now, but his lips are on mine, and they are just so good. I kiss him back and press my lips to him more and put one hand on his shoulder, and the other on his chest. My tongue accidentally brushes his lips without my even meaning to. He recognizes it, and immediately his tongue is dancing with my own. It's a little weird, but it feels, strangely, good. His arms go around my waist, and he pulls me against him. My hands, now forced to go around his neck, are now tangling in his hair. It feels so good, but I know that soon enough mom will notice and come to the window by the door, so I pull away from him. 

"Goodnight." I whisper.

"Maybe one more." He say's quietly, and now he's kissing me again. But now he has one hand at the small of my back, and the other cradling my head. But I have to go. I can practically feel mom coming to the window.

"Goodnight." I say again, smiling, and give him a soft kiss. Then I pull away and walk the extra few steps to my door. I open it and walk in, and while I'm closing it I smile at him. He's standing where I left him just a second ago, and has a big, fat smile on his face. 

"See you Monday?" He say's a little breathless. I can hear him still breathing a little hard from here. Man, I did a good job. 

"See you Monday." I reply, and slowly shut the door. I turn around and lean against the door. I can't believe what just happened. This wasn't supposed to happen. But I am definitely not sad that it did. But now, the first thing I do before I walk up to my room is check my lips in the entryway mirror to make sure that they're not going to give me away to mom. I'm good. Oh man, I never thought I'd say this before, but I cannot wait until Monday.